Bewilderingly , Heart and Soul , Lost
by TheRoseShadow21
Summary: Kyouko Kirigiri finds herself thinking of love one sleepless night. Drabbly one-shot , Naegi X Kirigiri ,rated T to be safe


**Just another random, drabbly idea that came to me. It was hard writing from Kirigiri's point of view, but she's a favourite of mine and she's been my random hero since her 'it's not like I put my hand in his socks" comment in episode 7 of the anime- Please don't ask why I imagined her as a piano player. It just fit. I haven't read that many game spoilers, but I do know she has amnesia and that her mum died when she was young. I figured it'd fit somewhere. **

**The title is part of a quotation from a book. It will probably make more sense with the whole quote, so PM me if you want the quotation and the book it came from. And I own nothing. Only this story idea and made-up character details. **

Kyouko Kirigiri could not sleep. At all.

There was no particular reason for it. She was a light sleeper anyway; vigilant for any approaching dangers, especially in_ this_ place, but there were no worries, other thoughts or anything of the sort that could account for her wakeful state. Sighing, she got up; put her storage-room discovered light blue dressing gown on over her midnight blue silk nightdress (also a storage room discovery.) She didn't bother with footwear, but as an afterthought, she did put on her gloves, on the off chance that one of the others also happened to be wandering insomniacs tonight. And then she left the room.

Kyouko had been planning to go to the kitchen, find a snack, and then sit and eat it in the canteen-until she remembered that the canteen was closed during Night Time. So she grabbed a cereal bar, and a cup of milk in the kitchen, downed the drink while there, and when she still felt wide awake, she ended up wandering around without a destination in mind.

And so she ended up in the music room on the fourth floor.

This wasn't a room she had paid much attention to. It simply had a piano on a stage and seating-presumably for an audience. There was a storage cupboard or two with other instruments as well, and she knew that Asahina-san had spent time in here-it was a great place for being alone with your thoughts.

Her eyes were drawn to the piano. A memory-or at least something that felt like one- entered her mind. She was young again, only 3 or 4 years old, sitting at a piano not unlike the one she was looking at now. She was attempting to learn notes and scales, and occasionally would look to a woman who had curly hair and Kyouko's colouring. That woman would show new things, encourage her and point out her mistakes, all the while gentle and laughing. Both were happy.

She blinked, and came back to the present. Was that woman her mother? She believed so. Hoped so, even. It was proof of identity-_I had a mother who taught me to play the piano_. On an impulse , she wanted to see if she could remember any of those long ago skills , so she closed the door a fraction , and walked up to the stage.

Looking at the instrument, she hesitantly held out a hand and pressed down on one of the notes. It gave out a familiar sound, and she recognised it as a D. She pressed at a few more, and the sounds remained familiar. Satisfied, she sat down at the piano, and carefully started to play a few songs.

After a while, Kyouko paused, surprised at how thoroughly she had gotten into it. Doing something for 'fun' had been nothing more than a distant concept for a while now –she couldn't really recall why, but she just knew this was the case. Somehow, she hadn't realised that 'fun' was still accessible to her.

Unbidden, another image popped into her head. It was of her, sitting at a piano, wearing an elegant indigo dress, with her hair held back with a pretty hairclip, rather than being in a loose plait like it was now. Naegi-kun was sitting next to her, and in-between her playing, they were talking and laughing. They both looked older, which clued her into the fact that this was definitely not a memory.

Almost as soon as that image appeared, it disappeared and another popped into her head. Naegi-kun was still with her, and once again they were older than they were now. Again, they were happy, although Kyouko herself looked a bit tired. This time they were in a…hospital? Naegi-kun was sitting on a chair next to a bed which she herself was on. Asahina-san was also there, calling her Kyouko-Chan and Naegi-kun Makoto-Chan, chatting and occasionally mentioning a pet dog that had been named in honour of a late friend –who happened to be going through a dog version of adolescence or something. In Kyouko's arms there-

_BACKTRACK RIGHT NOW! _Kyouko nearly fell off the piano stool. _Did I just fantasize about having a baby with Naegi-kun? The hell's wrong with me? And since when did dogs have adolescent phases anyway? _She adjusted herself, and shook her head furiously, blushing all the while. Thankfully there was no one watching. _Looks like my feelings are getting the better of me. _

She breathed in and out a few times, trying to calm herself down. What was it about Naegi-kun that got to her? He was an average high school boy, chosen to attend this school simply out of good luck. Or bad luck, depending on how you saw it .Next to some of the personalities that were here, and that had been here, he'd easily fade into the background. And yet…..he did gradually end up being one of the most noticeable personalities around.

She sighed, and started to play one of her favourite songs, finding herself singing along quietly and thinking about Naegi-kun.

"Tsugerarenakatta koi dakedo_…"_

Yes. Being punched by Oowada-kun and then being the primary suspect in Maizono-san's murder had definitely made this average boy someone to remember. That and he happened to be friendly as well as smart. He even managed to more or less get on well with Togami-kun, who was, as far as she was concerned, an infuriating git. In other words, he managed to adapt while still retaining his dream of getting out of this place safely. Perhaps Celestia's words hadn't been complete lies after all.

But what had really made him someone special in her eyes was his determination to carry the deaths of their classmates on his shoulders and get through this. It had seemed such an arrogant thing to say, yet brave, and it had made her laugh inwardly. She had told him that she looked forward to seeing him do so, not really expecting much of it.

God, she had been so surprised when he had been able to do so. And still stand up straight under all that weight. And still smile despite the grief caused. She wasn't as strong as that. She did care about them, and she always felt sorrow at each death, but in order to get through each day, she'd had to shift it to the back of her mind, remain cool, but forget.

So all in all, Naegi-kun was a better person than her. It was a hard thing to realise, but it was true. As far as she was so concerned, he was a much, much better person than she'd ever been. And this had made her love him, and want to make herself a better person for him. She had certainly changed. For instance, where before she had no real regard for time, and would turn up at the canteen for mealtimes late, she'd now wait for Naegi-kun and they'd go in together. And although she had asserted herself within the group , and even managed to get along with them ,she found herself rather removed from them – but now , she found herself seeking Naegi-kun out , the word _we_ cropping up in her mind almost as much as _me. _There were other changes , ones that even she couldn't pin down , but whoever Kyouko Kirigiri had been before coming to Hope's Peak , she was someone else now. Hopefully, hopefully someone better.

But she was lost. So, so lost. Emotional attachment was a more or less foreign concept to her. She wasn't entirely sure what to do with herself. She wondered what Naegi-kun would react, if he'd any idea of her feelings. He wasn't a typically dense high school boy, Infact; he was smart and could be extraordinarily perceptive at times. If it wasn't for the fact that she tried really hard to appear as if there was nothing out of the ordinary (if their current situation could be called ordinary) , then he'd probably figure it out.

_Perhaps, if we were able to get out of here together, it'd be different. If we were both able to gradu-_all of a sudden, Kyouko realised the juxtaposition between her current line of thought and the title of her song. She finished playing, and at the same time had a sensation of someone watching her.

She stood up, surveyed the surroundings, instantly alert. But there was nobody there. She figured it wasn't Monobear, or he'd have made himself known. Asahina-san and Hagakure-kun would have done so too. She wasn't sure about Fukawa-san or Togami-kun, but she deemed it unlikely. Could it have been Naegi-kun? She yawned suddenly, realising that she was now tired. Perhaps introspection could be a cure for insomnia. When she climbed down, she still found herself looking to see if someone was watching her, without luck. Perhaps she was hallucinating.

Kyouko paused at the door, and looked around once more. She no longer sensed anything. Whoever it was had left. She shrugged, and left the music room.

She got to her room, locked the door, took her dressing gown and gloves off and went to bed. This time, she fell asleep almost straight away, but not before secretly hoping that it was indeed Naegi-kun who had been watching her.

**If you were wondering, the specifically mentioned song in here is 'Sotsugyo**_**'**_** by Maiko Fujita. The title means 'Graduation'. **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this story. Please leave feedback. ^^**


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